Author: Christina Hart
“And this is the problem. All of this. With people. With real, living, breathing people. They will never understand you. Could never understand you. Most won’t take the time to try. Most will throw you away before they even have a chance to get to any of the layers underneath. I think I have layers. Maybe not. Maybe people aren’t as fucked up as I am. Maybe they all are. Maybe everyone thinks of themselves the same way I do. Maybe we all sit home alone at night sometimes wondering if anyone out there could ever really love us. Maybe all of us have night terror and nightmares and fucking dread the future sometimes because after enough time, it all looks dim. If the past is any sort of foreshadowing for the future, I’m skeptical that things will ever get better. And how can they? How can they if we don’t let them? How can they if we don’t try? Fuck. I think I try. I want to try.”
Alan is your average man addicted to sex. Wait, what? You heard me correctly. When we first meet Alan, first impressions take over. “A douchebag who’s addicted to sex. Let’s see how this asshole treats women.” We come to a screeching hault in our thought process once we finally get to know Alan. This story is told through Now and Then perspectives. We start off with today’s Alan and we learn that we are ALL extremely judgmental when it comes to first impressions. As we enter the first Then, our views start to shift. We tend to forget that people are a certain way, why? Usually because they have a past that made them this way. What made Alan this way?
My heart ached so many times for Alan, reading this story. Each and every page wanting to take his hand and show him what a good life could be like. The experiences Alan has had to face from such a young age, only stay with him throughout his entire life. There are obvious quirks to him but why? Can that ever be changed? Alan struggles in his present because of his past. Can he make peace with those everlasting ghosts, or is his fate what he fears most? Being alone.
All Alan wants is to love with his whole being and be loved the same way in return. It seems there is something always in the way trying to stop it. Be it small mistakes he continues to make, or even little miscommunications. Some women only want him for a night but he takes it. He’s never actually alone though and he realizes this. The biggest secret he’s held from every girl sits in his closet…
I think this book should be read by adults. We know circumstances are not always an excuse, but we need to understand why people are the way they are. Off the bat, we judge Alan off of one fact: he’s a sex addict. Why are we all so quick to judge when we want others to see us for who WE really are in return? This book helps to get on the path of erasing first impressions and judgements. I think many people can learn a thing or two from a book like this one.